Breakin' the Maui Curse

Tamara and I will be visiting Maui at the end of January 2010. This will be her second visit to Maui and my fifth. Some wonder why I would want to return for a fifth time, so I have posted a write-up from our previous visit around the turn of the century that lays out the reason for the return.

By the way, we have rented a Jeep for this return adventure. ;-)

Lovin’ and Livin’ To The Music of Gail Swanson
By Bruce Gulde

My wife, Tamara, and I had just completed a day of sightseeing on Maui, Hawaii in June of 2001. This was my fourth visit to Maui, but it was Tamara’s first time on the island. We decided to steer our rental Jeep into Lahaina for a nice cold beer and a huge hunk of meat, so we figured what better place to start our evening than a burger place I had visited in the past – Cheeseburger In Paradise.

It was around 6:00pm and as we walked through the door of the open-aired restaurant we could see that it had its usual tourist-and-locals-packed-wall-to-wall atmosphere. I guided Tamara up the stairs to the second floor where I knew there was a great view of the harbor of this former whaling village and, of course, a bar serving microbrew beer. We took a couple of stools at the end of the bar. As we looked outside and took in the beauty of the island and the ocean, we raised our glasses to a toast for a wonderful time together.

Soon, Tamara needed to make a trip to the restroom, and as she left I started to reflect on my previous trips to Maui. I realized that this was my fourth trip to Maui and each time I had traveled here it had been with a different woman – two previous wives, a girlfriend from England, and now Tamara. It seemed like there was some sort of curse that the Maui gods had put upon me because each time I brought someone with me to Maui we would end up eventually breaking up. As I took another sip of beer, I suddenly realized that I had never brought any of the previous women back for a second time! I definitely didn’t want the same fate to be in store for the current marriage of Tamara and me.

Ding! Ding! Ding! The alarms in my head rang and a light suddenly came on – what I needed to do to break the curse was to ensure that Tamara and I returned to Maui – and the sooner the better!

When Tamara returned I informed her of my sudden insight and that we must plan to return to Maui at our earliest convenience to break the curse. She was all in agreement to that and we toasted again to our vow to return.

As we were sitting and chatting with others who were enjoying the surroundings, the evening’s musician appeared at a small stage at the opposite end of the room. In between were tables where patrons were eating burgers and consuming exotic-looking drinks.

As the singer, Gail Swanson, began her set, Tamara and I became a couple in the corner of the burger joint with open windows and the sounds of street traffic below wafting into the room and mingling with the other sights, sounds, and fragrances in the air.

After Gail Swanson’s first set, we knew we enjoyed her music enough to buy copies of her CDs that she had for sale next to her on the stage. We bought two of her CDs and she came by to speak to us for a bit as she went to rest up for her next set.
We decided to stay for another of Gail’s sets, get a bite to eat, and head back to our hotel on the other part of the island. Her second set was just as satisfying as the first, and we left Cheeseburger In Paradise with good food in our bellies and good songs in our hearts.

We started up the Jeep and headed out to our hotel in Wialea, driving on the highway which edges next to the Pacific Ocean. The palm trees that could be seen in the darkness along the side of the road and the whitecaps on breakers in the distant surf reflecting moonlight acted as sirens and lured me into pulling the Jeep off the road and onto a nearby beach.

Tamara knew what I had in mind, and we popped one of Gail Swanson’s freshly bought CDs into the Jeep’s CD player. With the sounds of great music, breaking surf, palm fronds whispering above us, and the feel of the Hawaiian trade winds, Tamara and I made love in paradise.

With a warm afterglow, we then continued our journey back to our hotel. I had another spur of the moment idea and told Tamara that I had always wanted to drive while I was naked. Well, being that it was a typical tropical night of balmy weather, the road back to the hotel was without streetlights for most of the way, and the drive wasn’t all that far, I figured this was a golden opportunity to live out another one of my crazy desires. So I drove back to the hotel feeling free and as “naked as a Jaybird,” as my mother used to say.

Tamara and I joked and giggled on our way back to the hotel. As we neared our hotel, I realized it may not be a good idea to drive up to valet parking without a stitch of clothing. Besides, I didn’t want to scare away any of the other hotel guests! There were 4 hotels in a row where we were staying, and ours was on the far end of the string. So I came up with a plan -- I would pull into the hotel that was next to ours and at least put on some shorts before we got to our final destination.

Still giggling, we drove into the designated hotel where their ever-diligent valet came out to greet our Jeep as we were rolling up. Not wanting to stop and have him see my nekkidness, I drove right by him and we waved to him with big ol’ grins on our faces. I stopped the Jeep about 50 yards beyond where the valet had been standing, but I noticed in my rearview mirror that he was approaching our vehicle. I told Tamara he was walking our way, but she knew me well enough to know that him walking towards us would not stop me from my mission.

I opened the door of the Jeep and stepped out with my back to the approaching valet. I grabbed my shorts and bent over to put them on, thus providing the valet with a Full Moon as I proceeded to put on my shorts and then zip them up. I zipped back into the still-running Jeep with Gail Swanson’s CD playing, closed the door, and again looked in the rearview mirror as I put the Jeep into gear and stole away into the night. There I saw the valet walking away and shaking his head, while probably thinking, “Just another crazy tourist!”

Since we returned to our home on the mainland in Long Beach, California, where we continue to listen to and enjoy the music of Gail Swanson on her CDs. Each time we listen to her we flashback to the great times we had while on Maui and specifically that one evening. Tamara and I will be returning shortly to Maui, visit that burger joint with no windows, being a couple sitting in the corner, listening to another set or three of Gail Swanson, and also enjoying any other island adventures that may await us there. We gotta break that curse, too, don’tcha know?

© 2003